Where's your head at?

Who taught men how to pick up? no really. I’m asking.

Recently I've had a very close friendship to this fairly simple black hat of mine. Yeah sure, hats are in and i usually try to run away from what's "in". I have seen one on everybody and their mom. In every lame-ass-chain of a store. None the less, it makes me feel dressed up in jeans and a T, and i like it. don't judge me.

The thing about this hat is when i wear it i get attention i don't really want. And trust me, no one loves attention more than me. Wearing this simple hat seems to say "I'm easy… talk to me."

"You're so cute in that hat" … (uhm I'm cute ALWAYS thank you very much)

Does this hat make me look that good? surely not. its all you loser men who find any reason for a topic of conversation and run… no… sprint with it.

" i like you, you're different, its your hat"

um no jack ass…. look around. Find something original PLEASE! your friend over there already tried that. Don't you know? i'm looking at the guy who HASNT spoken to me, HASN'T looked at me. Its pretty simple. Ignore me, talk to my friend, that'll get me going (Maybe i should buy her one). Get me nice and insecure, curious as to why you haven't glanced at me. Curious why you think you are better than all the other top hat conversationalists in the room. Bastard! i want you.

The worst is when that douche decided to not only hit you with the HAT line, but he also grabs the hat and puts it on his head.

"Its cute on you but looks better on me…" (Shit i think i've used that line)

FUCKER

a. i don't want your lice.

b. i probably have hat hair after dancing and sweating my ass off in it

c. there was a reason i wore a hat. and no, its not so you could steal it and have an excuse to smudge your boozy red-bull breath all over my breathing space.

All of the above.

If only i could be a man for a day. Seriously. The number of chicks I'd bang.